Damn That Show

Alert! Alert! Some of you may find this post depressing but please...don't.

Just when I thought I had buried the past, I have to watch one of the most depressing episodes of one of my favorite shows, "Big Love," ever. The teenage daughter found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago on the show and was going to give it up and then decided she wanted to keep the baby. Then, one of the sister wives wakes up to her crying in the middle of the night in the bathroom and says "I think I'm losing my baby." Then they have to tell the rest of the family and it's like the saddest thing ever. I haven't cried over my miscarriage in a LONG time. I am totally fine talking about it to anyone who wants to know so I thought I had pretty much moved on. I mean, it was 2 years ago. But then I watch this damn episode and it brings back that rush of feelings and I couldn't hold my emotions back. Justin knows I'm a crybaby anyway with any sad TV show or movie, but for some reason I felt odd crying over this episode. I did the same thing when I watched "Marley and Me." Although, I bawled throughout that movie for more reasons than the fact that Jennifer Aniston had a miscarriage. Like I should be completely over it. But the timing was kind of shitty too. It's June and my miscarriage was in June. This part of the summer, when we get close to the end of June always sort of brings that day back, but I'm usually very accepting of it and I move on.

I don't know, maybe I'm extra emotional because I might be close to the end of my cycle (fingers crossed because that would be a good thing!). It was a sad fucking day when that happened and one of the hardest things to go through in my entire life...if not THEE hardest. I have to let myself accept these emotions because it doesn't mean I'm a shipwreck if I cry a little.