Srsly?

The fact that Snooki is pregnant is proof that god has a sick sense of humor. It's a strange day when that alcoholic mess can have a baby but I can't.

By the way, there probably won't be any trip an RE anytime soon. Our financial situation is difficult to say the least right now. The mister's job is down to part-time hours now (and potential full-time jobs are not calling us back!), my car needs about $1200 put into it, and I have a bill for $630 for a scope being put down my throat. So yeah, ixnay on that whole plan for now. Goodbye tax return, goodbye work bonus (which was meager this year anyway). Every last penny we're bringing home right now is being squeezed.

Suck it world. I am not amused.

Another year bites the dust

2011 was a fairly uneventful year in my world of baby-making. No major tests were had, no pregnancies were had, no major meltdowns or anything. The Fertilaid is working pretty well as far as keeping my cycles somewhat regular so long as I take those three giant, horse-pills each day. I've had a couple cycles that I would label "WTF??" but have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of 35-40 day cycles. I'm ASSuming that I've been ovulating during those cycles as I have the typical post-ovulation symptoms and I've been back to charting my temps for the last few months. Nonetheless, the Mister and I have talked and it looks like sometime in the Spring of 2012 we will be visiting a reproductive endocrinologist, whether or not we have the money for it (we will not, lol). I still have my fingers crossed for some sort of natural, out-of-this-world miracle but I'm preparing myself to dive back into the world of fertility pharmaceuticals. We're hoping I just need a boat-load of drugs and that it will happen quickly thereafter. We'll see.

Maybe 2012 will be THEE year. Happy new year everyone!

Where have you been?

Since I haven't posted here in a long time I thought I'd type a quick update.
I wasn't kidding when I said the Mister and I were taking a year off of medical intervention. After finishing clomid, two kidney surgeries, a sperm analysis and an HSG last year, I am soooo over doctors and hospitals. Also over the expenses associated with those. I need a year free of medical headaches.

In the meantime I'm still taking the Fertilaid and hoping for the best. It worked, then it didn't for a while last year, then I had two totally normal cycles this year and 1 sort of normal cycle. How sweet would it be if I got pregnant without doctor's having to poke and prod me beforehand?

If nothing happens this year, we've talked about seeing and RE down at the university hospital. I REFUSE to see anyone else at my OBGYN's office about this anymore. They're obviously done with me so I'm done with them. At least on the infertility side of things.

I've still had some "moments" this year where I've been frustrated or felt hopeless about things ever working out right, but for the most part it's been pretty damn relaxing. Of course I also turned another year older so there's always that impending thought... But I still have quite a few good years left on these ovaries before they become senior citizens.

Pardon me, I must've tripped over that last hurdle

Of life. You're are a tricky, tricky thing sometimes. My regular OBGYN is now pawning me off on a infertility specialist. According to her, since all of my tests have come back "normal" and we've already tried the Clomid, it's now time to see a specialist. Of course this was all over the phone and coming from her nurse. God forbid I actually get to talk to my doctor one on one about this. I'm a little irritated to say the least. I knew this was coming but guess I didn't think it was going to be so sudden. Aaand, obviously the problem is my hormones. I don't know why they have to send me to a specialist to tell me that.

Well, the kicker is, seeing a specialist (reproductive endocrinologist) costs more, and my insurance doesn't cover it (since I've already reached my generous $500 maximum lifetime benefit). But they don't take that into consideration when they deliver the news to you.

So here lies the dilemma: what the eff you see kay am I going to do? I'm not rich. I can't keep asking my mom to help. It's not her problem. Yes, there are payment plans, but I just got done with one, and am about to start another for the HSG. Do I wait until I have the HSG paid off to start seeing a specialist? This is where I wish I had some kind of faith. But I don't, and I won't, so I can't rely on financial or biological "miracle".

I guess here is where we meet the brick wall again. Hello brick wall, it's nice to see you. It's been a while, I hope all is well. Oh me? I'm fine, just wish you'd stop getting in my way.

So, the answer to the question "what now?" I guess we wait...again.

My Fallopian Tubes Get An A+

The results are in and...

Everything is fine! Well, physically speaking. No blockages, fibroids, cysts, scar tissue, septus (sp?). He did show me that I have somewhat of an "arcuate" uterus but that it's nothing abnormal and was only slightly "arched" so it shouldn't present any problems. The doctor performing the HSG said it was one of the easiest HSG's he's ever done and that my cervix presented itself nicely...uhhh, thanks I guess? It was like a pap-smear on crack. The catheter was sort of a pinching feeling and when the dye came in my uterus shouted "hey, what the hell?!?", or at least that's how I interpreted the cramping I was feeling during it. While the catheter was in, I just felt pressure like I had to go to the bathroom (though #1 or #2 I couldn't decide). But being able to watch everything as it happened on the x-ray monitor sort of distracted me and was pretty cool to look at. I'm one of those people who likes to know how things work so it was kind of gnarly to be able to see the dye flowing through my uterus and fallopian tubes.

The whole procedure was quick, about 2 minutes or so. So if my calculations are correct, that doctor is making about $48,000/hour. NICE. I'm in the wrong field of work.

So, what's next? My own OBGYN needs to review the results and then I guess I'll get a call next week...or knowing them I'll probably have to call in. More and/or different fertility drugs are probably next. My doctor and I discussed (VERY BRIEFLY) IUI (intra-uterine insemination) when I was there back in February but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Justin and I might take a few months to ourselves before we jump back in to the hormone therapy game. But at least we've pretty much run the gamut of testing (between all the blood tests, semen analysis, and HSG) so we now have more options.

I finally feel somewhat at peace now...until that bill comes. YIKES!

Doomsday is upon us

The HSG is scheduled for this Friday afternoon. I'm planning on working in the morning to keep my mind occupied then heading over to the hospital with the Mister. I'm nervous...not so much about the actual procedure, though I'm not necessarily looking forward to it. I'm more nervous about the results. I've had a million different scenarios running through my head and of course, none of them will play out exactly one way.

I just keep reminding myself, I've had two kidney stone surgeries and a ureteral stent in this year so this can't even be HALF as bad. Not even close.

Keep your fingers crossed that they don't find a gremlin or something living inside of me.

S.S. to the Rescue!

Well I'll be damned. The Mister apparently has super sperm! According to the test results, he is completely normal and has "very good results" according to the nurse. At least only one of us is defective :). That is a much needed sigh of relief. WHEW! I would rather carry the burden of being defunct than have him feel guilty about it.

So what's next? I have to wait until day 1 of my next cycle (which will be ???), then call to schedule my HSG. I guess it has to be done between days 8 and 10 of my cycle. They also want me to call my insurance company so there are no surprises when I get billed. I'm going to call the hospital to ask about the cost and I've been told to advise them of my crappy insurance and perhaps they can put me on some kind of reduced cost program. No guarantees, but it's worth a shot. The nurse I spoke to today was very helpful and described the procedure to me, even though I've already filled my brain with all kinds of made-up horror stories.

Just thankful we finally received some kind of promising news. Every little breakthrough makes the light at the end of the tunnel a little brighter.