So much for those regular cycles, they are OVER. Bummer dude. It was nice while they lasted.
I have my annual OBGYN appt in August and I think I'll have another list of questions this year. I know I will have to get that HSG done before they give me anymore fertility drugs but I think they need to run some more blood tests. BTW: That HSG can't happen until I get my surgery bills from my kidney stuff paid off (hopefully by the end of this year). I think they need to check my thyroid again. Maybe some other glandular or hormone tests. There's got to be something there.
I've been thinking a lot lately about adoption. Do I really want to put my body through all of this? If we decided to adopt, it would be a few years from now before we would even start the process. It's expensive and we'd have to have a lot more money saved up. Maybe that's what I'm meant to do with my life: adopt.
Oh well, all we can do is wait patiently until my OBGYN appointment, and that may not result in anymore tests, seeing as that they've already done quite a few.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Damn That Show
Alert! Alert! Some of you may find this post depressing but please...don't.
Just when I thought I had buried the past, I have to watch one of the most depressing episodes of one of my favorite shows, "Big Love," ever. The teenage daughter found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago on the show and was going to give it up and then decided she wanted to keep the baby. Then, one of the sister wives wakes up to her crying in the middle of the night in the bathroom and says "I think I'm losing my baby." Then they have to tell the rest of the family and it's like the saddest thing ever. I haven't cried over my miscarriage in a LONG time. I am totally fine talking about it to anyone who wants to know so I thought I had pretty much moved on. I mean, it was 2 years ago. But then I watch this damn episode and it brings back that rush of feelings and I couldn't hold my emotions back. Justin knows I'm a crybaby anyway with any sad TV show or movie, but for some reason I felt odd crying over this episode. I did the same thing when I watched "Marley and Me." Although, I bawled throughout that movie for more reasons than the fact that Jennifer Aniston had a miscarriage. Like I should be completely over it. But the timing was kind of shitty too. It's June and my miscarriage was in June. This part of the summer, when we get close to the end of June always sort of brings that day back, but I'm usually very accepting of it and I move on.
I don't know, maybe I'm extra emotional because I might be close to the end of my cycle (fingers crossed because that would be a good thing!). It was a sad fucking day when that happened and one of the hardest things to go through in my entire life...if not THEE hardest. I have to let myself accept these emotions because it doesn't mean I'm a shipwreck if I cry a little.
Just when I thought I had buried the past, I have to watch one of the most depressing episodes of one of my favorite shows, "Big Love," ever. The teenage daughter found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago on the show and was going to give it up and then decided she wanted to keep the baby. Then, one of the sister wives wakes up to her crying in the middle of the night in the bathroom and says "I think I'm losing my baby." Then they have to tell the rest of the family and it's like the saddest thing ever. I haven't cried over my miscarriage in a LONG time. I am totally fine talking about it to anyone who wants to know so I thought I had pretty much moved on. I mean, it was 2 years ago. But then I watch this damn episode and it brings back that rush of feelings and I couldn't hold my emotions back. Justin knows I'm a crybaby anyway with any sad TV show or movie, but for some reason I felt odd crying over this episode. I did the same thing when I watched "Marley and Me." Although, I bawled throughout that movie for more reasons than the fact that Jennifer Aniston had a miscarriage. Like I should be completely over it. But the timing was kind of shitty too. It's June and my miscarriage was in June. This part of the summer, when we get close to the end of June always sort of brings that day back, but I'm usually very accepting of it and I move on.
I don't know, maybe I'm extra emotional because I might be close to the end of my cycle (fingers crossed because that would be a good thing!). It was a sad fucking day when that happened and one of the hardest things to go through in my entire life...if not THEE hardest. I have to let myself accept these emotions because it doesn't mean I'm a shipwreck if I cry a little.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)