5 Step Program

Wow, that last post was a little over-dramatic, no? Truth is, I was feeling really down that day about the Fertilaid not working. I was so hopeful because it worked great the first month and then here we are on day 38 of this cycle and I don't even think I've ovulated yet. And I'm taking those damn pills religiously even though they taste GOD AWFUL. I can't expect them to work miracles here, they are just a multi-vitamin with some herbs that have been shown to balance hormones and improve fertility. I had to remind myself of a few things since that last post:



1) those herbs can take 3-6 months to fully see the effects...even then, they may not work for me.

2) I can't expect to just magically get pregnant. My hormones and ovaries are basically assholes. They don't function like that of a "normal" 26 year old female. If I want this, I'm going to have to accept the fact that I'm going to have to work a little harder than the av-er-age bear.

3) Justin's little swimmers might have issues too and we need to get him checked out. I know that I am not operating at full capacity for sure, but who knows? He might have retarded sperm.

4) Financially, it's really hard to justify getting and HSG done. I mean, I don't just have $1000-$2000 laying around, reserved for getting glamour shots of my fallopian tubes. And St. Lukes is still robbing me from when I got my kidney poked (twice). However, I really do need to get the HSG. My doctor won't move forward with any further treatment until I do. So I may need to swallow my pride (and embarassment) and ask my mom to help me pay for it. Man, what a drag.

5) I just need to chill the *bleep* out. Why do I get so frustrated with my biology? It can't hear me cursing at it. The stress surely isn't helping things along.

Thankfully my marriage is not taking a backseat to this issue. I refuse to let it. The PCOS is just a shitty ordeal that is part of life.

arrrrgh...

word of the day: discouraged...

So the vitamins worked great the first month. Not so much the 2nd month. My body probably recognized I was trying to trick it and said "oh no way, eff you, you can't control me." I have no idea what's going on.

I surrender, ovaries, you win!

Each day that passes, I think we're gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way...with lots of hormone drugs.

Biology is a beeotch.

Not to mention, last week was littered with more crap we get to deal with (non-related to this post). Can I get a break? please?